ComedyCollective Writers Project
Kim Morrissey

from BBC Radio 4's WeekEnding
 1993 -1995

News Just In ... Quickies
*  co-written by Lee Barnett "Budgie"
and Kim Morrissey)

* Princess Margaret takes part in an Antique Fair, and helps to raise several thousand pounds for charity before bidders realise she isn't actually up for auction.

* Sainsbury’s agree to change the packaging of their Classic Cola, saying they're tired of being confused with the less popular brand.

* John Patten dismisses the results of a survey that reveals that one in five students live in penury, saying that there isn’t even a university there.

VOICE1:

* Cadbury-Schweppes is about to announce their bid to run the National Lottery.
VOICE2:  Yes, we've been running it with our vending machines for years.

* After Maxwell: the Musical is banned, the promoter denies he intends to cut the song and dance and call it : The Crook, The Thief, His Wife, and Our Money.

* After the European Union reveals plans to ban 20% of British Beaches under hygiene regulations, they deny that they intend to ban 90% of British bathers for the same reason.

* After the SUN is fined £100,000 for printing the photograph of a suspected murderer, the editor says they will publish all future murder suspects photos on page three - to be certain no one looks at their faces.

* Hillary Clinton denies rumours of White Water documents being destroyed, saying her accusers haven't a shred of evidence.

The BBC apologise for repeating an entire segment of "Panorama" within the program and assure viewers that such an error could never happen again. The BBC apologise for repeating an entire segment of "Panorama" within the program and assure viewers that such an error could never happen again.

CHILD What did you do in The War, Daddy?
MAN Oh, for goodness sakes, Amanda ....
How many times do I have to tell you, I'm only 29?

* After the Crown Prosecution Service publish a new guide to the legal system in Plain English, it is immediately attacked by the legal profession as unnecessary, referring the public to the rule in Harbottle versus Lewis and section 124 of the Legal affairs Act 1853 (footnote c).


* Co-written by Lee Barnett  (Budgie) and Kim Morrissey

Bongs from BBC Radio 4's WeekEnding


ComedyCollective Writers Project
Kim Morrissey