ComedyCollective Writers Project
Ivan Shakespeare

Farmers' song (sung to the theme tune of BBC Radio 4's The Archers)

First performed by the Bish Bash Bosh cast, Willesden Green 1993; sung by Jonathon Linsley, Paul Dietch, Paula Tappenden, Virginie Gilchrist and Una McNulty. Also performed at NewsRevue, Canal Café Theatre, Little Venice, London, 1993 and 2000.

Farming folk are never rich, Take my new Mercedes,
Had to trade the old one in - what a pauper am I.
City slickers think we do nothing but shagging sheep all the day
Farming bain't all glamour though, 'cos I works hard for my pay.

Shoot the cows with BSE and feed them to the pigs for tea
And then we get a subsidy, then we get a subsidy
Plough across a Right of Way and shoot the townies when they stray
And every day another Brussels subsidy
We get it for Rape Seed Oil, we get it for Set-Aside,
We get it for milk and beef and half a million things beside
We get it for hedgerows, we get it for scarecrows
We get it for everything we ever grow or don't grow
Subsidy O subsidy a subsidy for me,

Farming folk are always poor - that's why we vote Tory
Keeps the wages nice and low - and the cottages tied.......
Selwyn - Gummer is such a bummer , he won't give us any more
If we paid our Income Tax, we'd wonder what it was for......

Get up at the crack of dawn and cut a circle in the corn
And say it's what the Spacemen did, entrance fee a couple of quid
Pick up shit in the piggery to feed the hens in the battery
And everything we do attracts a subsidy
We get it for growing the food for the nation
And if we don't grow enough we get a consolation
We get it for grumbling , creating furores
We get it for owning lots of land and being Tories
Subsidy O subsidy a subsidy for me.......

(All exit singing)
Subsidy O subsidy, subsidise the farmers
Subsidy O subsidy, we want subsidies now
Subsidy O subsidy O subsidy for me
Subsidy O subsidy O subsidy for me......

All rights reserved by The Ivan Shakespeare Estate . For inquiries about Ivan's  work, please contact his widow Elspeth MacLean through the Writers Guild.

ComedyCollective Writers Project
Ivan Shakespeare