ComedyCollective
Writers Project Ivan Shakespeare
LIVING LEG-END Cast:
Roy Hudd
ROY: Well folks, did you read about the bloke who left his spare leg behind after staying in a hotel? The prices some of them charge, he's lucky he didn't have to leave an arm as well. Huddlines followed in his footstep as he went to get it back.
FX: STOMP OF WOODEN LEG, TING OF BELL
CHRIS: Hello, De Vere Hotel, can I help you?
ROY: Yes, I've come for me leg.
CHRIS: Your leg?
ROY: Me leg.
CHRIS: What leg?
ROY: Me leg what I left.
CHRIS: Your leg what you left?
ROY: Me leg what I left.
CHRIS: You left?
ROY: No, me right.
CHRIS: Your right?
ROY: I know I'm right.
CHRIS: I think we'd better start again. Now, you left your right leg?
ROY: That's right, it was left. In me room I think.
CHRIS: In your room?
ROY: When I left.
CHRIS: Hmmm. This limb - not wrapped in a pair of bathtowels was it?
ROY: No, why?
CHRIS: We've had a couple gone for a walk recently.
ROY: Well, don't expect me to foot the bill. But somebody should stump up.
CHRIS: That's right.
ROY: Oh, don't start that again.
CHRIS: I'm sorry sir. I think I know where your leg is walk this way.
ROY: I thought I'd have to sooner or later.
FX: FOOTSTEPS FOLLOWED BY STOMPING
CHRIS: Here you are. Here's your leg.
ROY: Me leg?
CHRIS: Yes, your leg. And don't say that's not right.
ROY: But it's not. This is a left, it's me right that I left.
CHRIS: I'm sorry sir. Nothing seems to be going right.
ROY: No, I think it's time I left.
CHRIS: Shall I call you a taxi?
ROY: No, I'll hop on a bus.
BAND: STING
(ENDS)
All rights reserved by The Ivan Shakespeare Estate . For inquiries about Ivan's work, please contact his widow Elspeth MacLean through the Writers Guild.
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