WANKERS DINNER PARTY
by John Random
V/O: And now it's time for our weekly look at some Middle Class Wankers. This week - Nick and Sophie from Islington are wanking on with Nick and Sophie from Barnes.
NICK 1: Oh, well I mean wank wank wank.
SOPHIE 1: Oh, absolute wank, I agree. Wank wank wank Captain Corelli's wank Mandolin wank.
NICK 2: Yes, but you see wank wank wank dumbing-down wank.
SOPHIE 2: Well, thats the thing. I mean, if there was a wankable comprehensive within wanking distance, of course we'd send Wanker there, but
ALL: Wank, wank, wank wank.
SOPHIE 1: Did you know that Nigel and Sasha wank wank wank house prices wank?
SOPHIE 2: Really? Wank wank wank lifestyle-section must come round and have a wank in our bathroom some time. Were having it re-wanked in terracotta
NICK 2: With little wankers stencilled all round the wank-wank
NICK 1: Well, of course Wanking is the new wanking, isnt it? Did you see that Wanker on Channel 4?
SOPHIE 2: I say, this wanks delicious. Did you wank it yourself or is it one of Delias wanks?
SOPHIE 1: Its one of Delias wank wank aubergine wank wank pesto wank wank wankfish
SOPHIE 2: Oh, reeeally? The wanking list for OUR gym is two years. Costs an arm and a wank, not that I ever go. Im too busy wanking during the wank and the wankends I just toss around the house.
NICK 2: No, come on. We went for a long wank-end in Tuscany, Barcelona, Bruges just the other wank and dont forget Sophies hen-wankend in New York.
ALL: Oh, Wank wank wank.
SOPHIE 1: Oh, Im terribly sorry. How rude of me. I havent wanked on about house prices for at least five minutes.
ALL: Wank wank wank wank wank wank wank sold it for an absolute shitload...
NICK 1: Did you see that wanker on Channel 4?
SOPHIE 2: Was he really? Well, thank you for a lovely wank.
SOPHIE 1: Wank wank wank. You must come over us again some time.
ALL: Thanks a lot, wanks a lot, thanks a lot.
NICK AND SOPHIE TWO DEPART.
NICK 1: What a pair of Mark Lamarrs.
to contact John Random about these, or any other sketches, please e-mail email@example.com