by John Random
FX: TAVERN ATMOS. C. 1790
MR. SILAS: Sit ee down, lad. (CALLING OUT) Landlord, a flagon of your best 7-Up!
GEORGIE: Oh, thank you, Sir, thank you.
MR. SILAS: Now, Master Georgie. Remind me. Which exam was it you had today?
GEORGIE: HND in Peasantry. One hour twenty minutes. Farm on one side of the soil only. I fell down on me Country Lore.
MR. SILAS: Such as?
GEORGIE: Question Foive: If thy path be crossed by three jackdaws and a woodcock, what be that a sure sign of?
MR. SILAS: I dont know; what did you put?
GEORGIE: That thou have strayed into a bird sanctuary.
MR. SILAS: Master Georgie. Let me be frank. The land is no place for ee. Heed my words and take the kings shilling.
GEORGIE: What and join the navy! From what I hear, tis all rum, sodomy and the lash.
MR. SILAS: Aye, theres a full social programme.
GEORGIE: No, no - I wouldnt want to go to sea.
MR. SILAS: Why, what else will you do?
GEORGIE: I thought I might join one of the new sunrise industries -like spinning jenny manufacture or
MR. SILAS: Son - listen to me. Me and my burly friends here have set our earts on avin you as our new shipmate. Aint that so, boys?
GENERAL MURMURS OF ASSENT. IMPLIED THREAT.
GEORGIE(WORRIED) No, Mr. Silas - dont send me to sea. Ask of me what thou wilt and Ill have it wilted, but not the sea. The sea claimed my father. He doyd under mysterious circumstances.They found his clothes washed up at Dead Mans Cove.
SILAS: Whats odd about that?
GEORGIE: Theyd been droy-cleaned.
SILAS:(STERNLY) Enough of your idle talk, you lily-livered scoundrel. Youre comin with us!
GEORGIE: But Im not cut out for the sea. Look at me. The cut of me jibs all wrong. Me jibs are completely jiggered
SILAS: Sign here, please. (CALLING OUT) Blind Pew. Could you just witness this?
GEORGIE: But Im a landlubber. Ive always lubbed. Lubbing is in me blood what am I signing?
SILAS: Your life away.
GEORGIE: Oh well, as long as its nothing serious.
SILAS: You sail on HMS January with the morning tide.
SILAS: The January sails ten o clock tomorrow morning. Everything must go.
GEORGIE Tell me - new recruits. Do you pipe em aboard?
SILAS: No Lad, we usually just scrape em off the dock with a shovel.
to contact John Random about these, or any other sketches, please e-mail email@example.com