from The BSE Show (Edinburgh Fringe, 1995; TBA Show, London 1995)
WOMENTALK (written by KIM MORISSEY)
WOMAN 1: I love John, but he just doesn't listen to me.
WOMAN 2: Charles is exactly the same.
WOMAN 1: I said to him: Let's go out. Let's just go out. Let's spend the entire evening out. And do you know what he said?
WOMAN 2 : Oh, I really hate that. As if staying in isn't romantic enough.
WOMAN 1: And he never calls. I always have to call him.
WOMAN 2: Yes, it's ring, ring, ring. He's on the phone every bloody night.
WOMAN 1: He says I'm checking up on him.
WOMAN 2 : I told him straight out: "You're checking up on me, aren't you? You don't want to talk, you just want to make sure I'm here by myself.
WOMAN 1 : Sometimes I hear voices. In the background. And loud music. He always says it's the TV.
WOMAN 2: Charles asked me that. I told him I was watching EASTENDERS. He said "What, on a Saturday?" I said "No, it's BROOKSIDE, actully. On video." He'd go mad if he found out Joe was down for the weekend.
WOMAN1: Yes, that's the thing about John: I can tell he really does love me, even though he doesn't ring, he won't give me the key to his flat, and he forgot to send me a Valentine. Oh, Carol! What do you think I should do?
WOMAN 2: I know what I should do, of course. Dump the bastard.
WOMAN 1: I think you're right. [BEAT] He really does care about me, doesn't he? It's just that he never listens to me.
WOMAN 2: Oh, I know. Charles is exactly the same.
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