ComedyCollective Writers Project
Kim Morrissey

from The BSE Show (Edinburgh Fringe, 1995; TBA Show, London 1995)


WOMAN 1:   I love John, but he just doesn't listen to me.

WOMAN 2:  Charles is exactly the same.

WOMAN 1:  I said to him: Let's go out. Let's just go out. Let's spend the entire evening out. And do you know what he said?

WOMAN 2 :  Oh, I really hate that. As if staying in isn't romantic enough.

WOMAN 1:   And he never calls. I always have to call him.

WOMAN 2:  Yes, it's ring, ring, ring. He's on the phone every bloody night.

WOMAN 1:  He says I'm checking up on him.

WOMAN 2 :  I told him straight out: "You're checking up on me, aren't you? You don't want to talk, you just want to make sure I'm here by myself.

WOMAN 1 :  Sometimes I hear voices. In the background. And loud music. He always says it's the TV.

WOMAN 2:  Charles asked me that. I told him I was watching EASTENDERS. He said "What, on a Saturday?" I said "No, it's BROOKSIDE, actully. On video." He'd go mad if he found out Joe was down for the weekend.

WOMAN1:  Yes, that's the thing about John: I can tell he really does love me, even though he doesn't ring, he won't give me the key to his flat, and he forgot to send me a Valentine. Oh, Carol! What do you think I should do?

WOMAN 2:   I know what I should do, of course. Dump the bastard.

WOMAN 1:   I think you're right. [BEAT] He really does care about me, doesn't he? It's just that he never listens to me.

WOMAN 2:  Oh, I know. Charles is exactly the same.


ComedyCollective Writers Project
Kim Morrissey